Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
