i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
