you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
