went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
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