Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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