You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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