I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
