you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When did angry sex become our thing?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
