Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
