I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
