A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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