So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
