At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
