come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize