Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
