God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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