You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Barsexuality is the new black.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
