ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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