My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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