Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
