you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
