a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
