I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
