do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
