How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
