I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
