Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
