4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
