You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm always down for nudity.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
