He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
