I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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