After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
