Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
