His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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