I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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