He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
