i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
