I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
