If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize