i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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