I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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