please come you make the beer taste better
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
