Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
