All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
