woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
