wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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