Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
