I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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