You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
