Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
