Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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