He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
