get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
