forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
