i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
