Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
