We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
