Can i not drive my cunt home
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
