My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
