You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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