i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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