I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
