I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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