So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
