dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
