Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
