flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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