you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
